Mustache problems

[Eggbanjo]

Having acquired a manouche type guitar I found I was obliged to grow a thin moustache on the upper lip in order to get a tune out of it. The trouble is my hair is now grey with the odd orange bit, and the moustache does not show up further than about two metres. What do you suggest, eyebrow pencil? A hairdresser friend of mine recommended black hair dye but I am afraid it might run when in contact with beer, sweat, or nose bubbles. Perhaps mascara might be the answer, but when I went to Superdrug the girl asked me what colour eye shadow it was to be co-ordinated with. I was a little irate when I asked her if she thought I was the kind of man who wore eye make-up, and tried to explain that it was for my moustache. I fear she did not take the problem seriously. She then offered me "waterproof" mascara but could not assure me that it would be beer proof.
I don't suppose I am the only geriatric guitarist to have encountered this difficulty and I was wondering if you have any advice, patent hair dyes, or prosthetic moustaches to offer.
Eggbanjo of The Disspiated Mens' Washboard Band

[Zoot]

I can't believe you've been left suffering while the doctor has been away.
Supposedly buying fresh lingerie at cut down prices in the Baltic somewhere apparently.
Let's hope the doctor returns soon and gives you fine words of comfort.

[Teddy Dupont]

Apologises for the delay in replying but I have been in the USA advising President Obama on his trouser problem.

Yours is a very common condition and I always advise the same which is to have the word "dickwad" tattooed on your forehead, preferably in magenta. I am pretty certain this will solve the problem as none of the people to whom I have given this advice have ever felt it necessary to return to me.

[quecumbar]

Permanent marker pen - just make sure you do not have post drinking or age related shakes