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Dear Doctor

It is my daughters 15th birthday coming up and for once I will be here to enjoy the festivities as I am usually at Samois when her big day arrives.

Is it appropriate for me to get lashed and try and cop off with her friends?
After all it is a fathers duty to embarass their offspring at all times.

I was also wondering if you could advise me on what sort of present to get her. Being a troubled teenager the only words to have passed her lips in the last 2 years have been "can you give me a lift", "can I have some money" and when I reply "no sweetie" I then get "where's mum?". So you can see I hardly know what sort of thing she likes.

In the hope of getting some family rapport going again I was thinking perhaps a nice board game. I've spotted this brain teaser in our local games boutique.

Do you think it will do the trick?
It's a Barrimore Cludo set.

All the best
Anxious Dad

This is a very common problem particularly amongst parents with children.

Zoot wrote:Is it appropriate for me to get lashed and try and cop off with her friends?

Only the female ones.

Zoot wrote:After all it is a fathers duty to embarass their offspring at all times.

Absolutely correct. It is an art I have perfected over the years and gives me enormous pleasure. I would encourage such activity at all times.

Zoot wrote:Being a troubled teenager the only words to have passed her lips in the last 2 years have been "can you give me a lift", "can I have some money" and when I reply "no sweetie" I then get "where's mum?".

If she has said anything other than "P*** Off. You old fart", I would consider she is a particularly loving teenager and you are having an unusually meaningful dialogue with her.

Zoot wrote:So you can see I hardly know what sort of thing she likes.

Probably a good thing for your peace-of-mind and sanity.

Zoot wrote:Do you think it will do the trick?
It's a Barrimore Cludo set.

I am not familiar with that particular game but I can highly recommend the Elton John version called "Snakes and Benders" as it not only involves things that were illegal when I was a child but were also physically impossible in those days.

However, I think I would recommend a nice Cindy doll with some coloured hair grips and to put icing on the cake, a lovely big card with fluffy kittens on saying "From Daddy" in bold type. - I do hope this helps and I would also suggest you try not to wet yourself at the party or throw up over the birthday cake because I can tell you from personal experience, this tends not to go down too well with prickly teenagers.

Please send your daughter my best wishes for her birthday and, trust me, in 10 years she will like you again and you will like her but the bit between will be pure hell.

Thank you Doctor

I am taking on board your wise words and look foward to an enjoyable day getting them drunk sending my daughter to her bedroom for disobedience and getting down to some serious strip poker with her friends.

Thanks Doc your the best