Who Is Caballero?
Moderator: Teddy Dupont
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Who Is Caballero?
I have had this request for some time but I thought I would wait to post it until all the losers who read this column were away wallowing in their own filth at Gossington in order to preserve Fanny's privacy.
Dear Dr D,
I hope I can trust you to be discreet about this very private and rather embarrassing matter. I have been reading this forum for several months and find myself becoming increasingly attracted to the person who calls himself Caballero. He seems exactly the sort of perverted, foul mouthed, semi-illiterate, half wit who has always been my weakness. I understand you met him once on your way to a Quaker meeting outside the Chigwell magistrates court after he had been convicted of indecent exposure. Is my view of him accurate? I would hate to meet him and find he was actually a normal, healthy, wholesome person.
In confidence,
Fanny Itchen
Dear Fanny be assured discretion is my second name and nobody ever reads this forum so your secret is safe between us.
Your reading of Caballero is spot on. That is an incredibly perceptive description of him. I would only add that he is also a bit of wet lettuce. So if something limp, moist and green turns you on, he is your "man".
Best wishes in your pursuit and thank you for the photograph of yourself which I found most unusual and just a little disturbing.
Dear Dr D,
I hope I can trust you to be discreet about this very private and rather embarrassing matter. I have been reading this forum for several months and find myself becoming increasingly attracted to the person who calls himself Caballero. He seems exactly the sort of perverted, foul mouthed, semi-illiterate, half wit who has always been my weakness. I understand you met him once on your way to a Quaker meeting outside the Chigwell magistrates court after he had been convicted of indecent exposure. Is my view of him accurate? I would hate to meet him and find he was actually a normal, healthy, wholesome person.
In confidence,
Fanny Itchen
Dear Fanny be assured discretion is my second name and nobody ever reads this forum so your secret is safe between us.
Your reading of Caballero is spot on. That is an incredibly perceptive description of him. I would only add that he is also a bit of wet lettuce. So if something limp, moist and green turns you on, he is your "man".
Best wishes in your pursuit and thank you for the photograph of yourself which I found most unusual and just a little disturbing.
- Caballero
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I voted for the 'Hideous nightmare involving flatulence' option, it's probably the closest thing to a compliment I've seen from you.
It's rewarding to hear you went for the 'Billy no-mates' option this weekend, obviously not wanting to sully your sock-suspenders and be in the mud n' shit with the rest of us badboys. It ruled, but you were at home, tucked up nicely with a mug of cocoa, putting on the extra blanket , guarding against the July chill, and finally, after allowing yourself a minute or two to Give Birth To Your Knuckle Children you nodded off into a cosy sleep. With drool seeping from the side of your mouth.
It's rewarding to hear you went for the 'Billy no-mates' option this weekend, obviously not wanting to sully your sock-suspenders and be in the mud n' shit with the rest of us badboys. It ruled, but you were at home, tucked up nicely with a mug of cocoa, putting on the extra blanket , guarding against the July chill, and finally, after allowing yourself a minute or two to Give Birth To Your Knuckle Children you nodded off into a cosy sleep. With drool seeping from the side of your mouth.
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- Teddy Dupont
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- Teddy Dupont
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- Caballero
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It's true that he never toured again after this one, I feel I got a look through a window into an era and mindset that will never happen again. It was all strange how the whole thing came about and Max was at times amusing, charming, witty and at other times a grumpy old fucker who needed a good slap. His son was a grade 'A' tosser who still needs a slap. His M.D was a musical wonder but autistic. Superb stories and adventures had with this lot.
I enjoyed Birelis company better. He showed me more shit than Max did. And his stories were better.
I enjoyed Birelis company better. He showed me more shit than Max did. And his stories were better.
Norman Wisdom
Teddy Dupont wrote:When you see Cabo accompanying that great gypsy jazz singer Max Bygraves...........
I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that's Norman Wisdom on guitar.
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Probably your greatest achievement to date then.Caballero wrote: It's true that he never toured again after this one...

You had a musical director!!!!!!!!Caballero wrote: His M.D was a musical wonder but.....

Sycophantic name-dropper.Caballero wrote:I enjoyed Birelis company better.

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Re: Norman Wisdom
Brett wrote:I don't think so. I'm pretty sure that's Norman Wisdom on guitar.
..... or it could be Reg Varney.
I met Cab in Brighton, when he conducted a workshop while a Samba band played in the street outside, and he didn't look like that.
Come to think of it, it could be the Chairman of the Peoples' Republic of China, although I'm not sure that he ever worked for Max Bygraves. Ho Chi Min used to live in Ealing though and worked in the kitchen at the Drayton Court Hotel, so it's possible.
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Cattermole wrote:I thought the photo was one of Teddy's wind-ups, but it's for real, isn't it?
Yes it is but I must confess I did mess with the imagine to make Cabo look rather disgusting (half-mast trousers, vomit on the shirt, trousers undone etc). In the original, I reluctantly have to admit that he really looks quite normal.
You do have to be impressed that Cabo lasted the tour and more particularly with the fact that he has since been formally adopted by Max but the scary violinist did get fired!
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Actually, the M.D was a monster, Phil Phillips. He had to read 8-page scores, cue everyone, work out songs on the spot cuz althziemers Max thought he'd rehearsed them, all sorts of shit. He just had bad social skills. Our scores were frightening, loads of segway stuff, no guitar chords just four to the bar piano-voicings we had to sift through, grim shit, but edgy, well-paid fun. Don't forget, We were opening up the whole show with full-on gypsy-jazz before we played with Maxs' group. The audience hated us, and we loved them hating us. The audience hated music generally but loved the ol' variety bit.
I'm sure I've said all this before.
The scary violinist is returning to sccop up the weeds that have grown up on his old path...soon.
I'm sure I've said all this before.
The scary violinist is returning to sccop up the weeds that have grown up on his old path...soon.
